Somewhat ponderous ponderings

On any given day I will find myself pondering something. Some days I feel like I want to share those ponderings even if they get a bit, well, ponderous.
As my mind ranges far (sometimes taking a while before it returns) this may be a bit dispersed.

First, on widowhood; Seeing and hearing of friends during the stressful times of marital disputes bring to mind the times JD and I had, shall we say, less than perfect days? It wasn't all moonlight and roses no matter how I'd love to think it was. It was LIFE and life is not always smooth and easy. Widowhood isn't either, by any stretch of the imagination!

A consolation of widowhood is that the drama is gone. As much as we'd like to eliminate all drama every relationship seems to have at least a little bit of it. If not, then there are two saints involved! My marriage was NOT between two saints! We had our battles and it was horrible while they were going on because under the anger and upset was a strong and enduring love that despised being beaten up like that.

As time has passed much of the pain of those times and of the final loss has backed off and is weaker although it is still there. It is, however, weak enough that the good times take the forefront! It would be easy to "forget" that there were ever bad times. I do not want to forget a moment of it. It was the totality that made what we had so good. We were strong enough, loved enough to overcome our quirks and foibles.

And here we segue into my current living situation with Sis and Chip. Chip is soooo easy. No matter his pain, no matter his worries, he's one of those people who thinks of others first. Too much so sometimes. We're trying to get him to see that there are times when HE comes first.

Sis and I have this background of insecurity and expecting criticism. Mom could be awesome but she had her baggage too and it came out in her mothering. Sis and I have grown to the point that in our "past middle age" years we've overcome most of that. However, with age and injuries or illness we also have pain, disabilities and such that twist actualities into painful perceptions. The good thing is that the pain backs down and we can talk it out. Each incident improves our already wonderful relationship, sort of like in a good marriage.

I seriously believe that none of this is unique to us. Its a human condition and "perfection" isn't defined by always doing it right but by learning and doing better even a tiny bit each day.

There were other "ponderings" I had planned to ponder with you today. I've lost them as I've been doing other things than writing this and now they're for another day, if they ever return at all.