Learning about myself

I'm discovering that part of this journey involves self-examination. Now I never recommend delving into the why of everything you do. That way is madness, uncertainty and total confusion.
What I mean by self-examination is that simple looking at who one is, what one desires, what one has accomplished, where one wants to go. And looking in an honest way too.
I believe I'm beginning to understand the ME of me better than ever before.
I've always had passion. As a young woman my passion was singing, writing and having a family of my own. I was side tracked many times by grabbing at the appearance of what I wanted rather than the substance. I was hampered by my reliance on what other people thought was best and uncertainty that I could be good enough for whatever.
I did many things right but the wrong ones occupied much of my time and energy.
I always had passion even when that passion was misdirected. I was even passionately wrong a lot of times. And talk about a DRAMA queen. That I was, but thankfully only now and again.
Finally, after so many years of doing many good things that I felt needed me, I am doing what feels right to me. I'm not doing it for the money although money is needed. I am not doing it because I should.
I'm speaking my mind, right or wrong, about my politics, the things I feel I've learned in my 6 decades, freely giving of my own opinions on whatever subject I am passionate about. I am gaining confidence in my skills. And I know it does not matter whether I am the best at anything. What matters is the enjoyment in doing, the thrill of creating, the joy of communication and finding others of like mind.
One does not quit growing unless one begins shrinking.
It does not change my value that I am older, my skin is beginning to sag, I am much heavier than I should be and my body is not as agile or graceful as it once was. Sure, I'd like myself better if I got control of some of my bad habits. BUT I'm allowing myself some time. Its ok for grief to take some time and less than seven months is not very long in the scheme of things.
Its ok if I'm not always right. Its ok if there are people who think I'm ugly, foolish or wrong headed. It is ok that not everyone believes as I do. Its ok if I think some people are blind and irresponsible. And its ok if I can be gentle with fools. Or not.
I believe I will take this blog further as time goes on. This is a part of the book I never wrote. It isn't the original plan of a fantasy novel or a love story, but wait! In many senses it is a love story and there is a degree of fantasy in everything.
JD would approve, I think, of the way I'm growing. As an individualist himself he would approve of me being more myself. But even if he didn't I would have to go my own way now.