No two days the same yet all are the same...

It caught my attention yesterday that every single thing I do, see, read, think or feel is affected by my thoughts of JD.
My soft indoor-outdoor boots remind me that I bought him new slippers when I bought them. Cooking makes me think of how he liked things cooked and what he loved to eat. Washing dishes reminds me that it was my job because it hurt my back less to do them than it did his. Shopping again reminds me of the things I bought just for him. Brushing my teeth, I look at the spot where his denture cup used to sit.
There are still two stacks of cowboy hats that were either ones he loved to wear or were kept because a dear friend of his gave them to him from that friend's uncle's estate.
Every item, every action has a memory attached.
I am writing this on the new computer I bought him about a year before he died.
Losing a parent or a sibling is horribly painful Losing a child is unthinkable. But losing a spouse is something entirely a thing on its own. Your spouse is there when no one else is. Your spouse shared the mundane things like laundry, meals, clothes choices, places to go and daily things to do. Your spouse is wound around and through every single aspect of your life.
Without your spouse everything changes. EVERYTHING. You are changed forever by the loss. Please, let me be changed in positive ways. It is what he would want.