Comments from a friend

On Sat, Feb 6, 2010 at 10:21 AM, Jill wrote:

    As I read through your blog, day after day in reverse order, and truly let the feelings sink in, one thought
surfaced more than any other... I think you & JD had something so VERY special and real, so wonderful, that just about anyone would give ANYTHING to find that, regardless of the timeframe involved.  And this coming from a confirmed bachelorette! 
It's so RARE and so PRECIOUS, and as painful as memories may be, we can thank our Lord God we have them to hold onto when we've suffered such a loss.  And what you've been doing with your thoughts and blog, is living moments a second time, especially the day-to-day little things people tend to take for granted, and in doing so, creating priceless treasures.  So, you see, no one and nothing can really take JD from you. 
He is so much a part of your heart, mind, body & life that you will carry him with you always. 
He didn't leave you, Casey; he made sure, just by the way he shared life with you, that you will be able to turn
to him in memory whenever you need to or want to.  Please let go of the anger and find a renewed joy in the
absolute knowledge that you had something not many others do or will ever experience.  And keep telling yourself
over & over again, "JD chose ME!"  And what a wise choice that was.  :')  love & blessings of comfort to you, my
Dear Friend,
Jill

 I answered:
Not only JD. You and a few joyful others make my life so worthwhile. I totally agree with you. The anger is just
something that you cannot help but feel. Its part of the grieving process as is the sadness.
I've been through this is a lesser degree with my Mom's passing and I recognize what is happening while being
helpless to change the process. The blog lets me get it OUT so I can get past it. And things like you've written are priceless as well.
May I add it to my blog? Other's views, views from outside the darkness, lead self and readers back to the light.
I feel no anger now. Not promising I never will again and it tends to be cyclic with each cycle less vehement
than the one before. I know I will reach the sweet memories and gentle sadness as I have with Mom but that is in my future still.
You are so right. Because of who I am, because of who he was, because of what we were together, he did choose me. And that makes me feel very, very special. What we had was/is a treasure I will never truly lose.
We are what we've lived. I am still evolving. Because of JD I am evolving in a good way. I'm not denigrating my own contributions just validating his.
It was special. As you can see by my email address I've known this for a very, very long time. My pride in US has  been there for decades. It isn't a hubris type of pride, just a quiet knowing that things were right even when sometimes they were far from perfect.
Thank you, Jill. Your perspective helps me gain new perspective. It is invaluable.
Casey