Discovery

I just checked my website and its still there. I'm neglecting it as I develop what is the new me.
Life without JD has become easier but so very different. I realized that I was living for both of us for the first year and a bit. Or at least trying to live "our" life. I was so very sure I was planted here where we lived and loved. But, woops! My roots are very shallow here after all.

I am in the process of digging myself up and transplanting me back to what feels more like home-the OKC area and most likely Mid-Del (Midwest City, Del City area). Sis lives there and Bro is very close in Yukon. Dad and Maddie are also in Yukon so even if he seldom knows who I am I can visit him more.

From Dec 27 until Jan 27 I parked my pup with friends and family (Oh, I never want to do that again for many reasons! Not least of which was that I missed him so!) Denise, brother Mac's wife, was dying and he was burned to the bone trying to care for her, work, still see Dad sometimes and just carry on a life. He was probably getting about 2 hours sleep on an average day.

On Dec 26th we (Sis, Chip and I) went to have our Christmas with them. When I really SAW what was I came home that day, made some minimal arrangements for my home and pet (took Ellie with me as she's a "grown up" dog and much better behaved). Left the house a mess as it would have taken me weeks to get it in real order.
I was back the next evening in time for Mac (also known as Doubleshot) to get to his job as Karaoke host at Nancy's 57th Street Lighthouse on N. May in OKC.

At that time Denise was pretty alert part of the time although helping her to the bedside potty often resulted in a seizure. She slowly went down hill and after a couple of weeks we had to order a hospital bed. She had been on the couch for weeks since she hated hospital beds. But entire nights of trying to keep her from falling, dealing with her being incoherent and trying to get up made the bed necessary.

Mac and I slept in shifts, usually about four hours at a time. With the bed we could at least get short naps in when we were "on duty". Sis, Carolyn, came as often as her life permitted to give us some breaks. In a month I left the house four times. Once to deliver my car for repairs, twice to Wal Mart (it was heaven, believe me!) and then to pick up my car when it was done. Sis loaned me the money to fix it and I'm paying her back monthly. My 95 Honda Accord wagon will be with me for years yet. I love it.

Mac's step-daughter Darcy and her friends clean for him every two weeks. She and one of her friends cleaned my car for a super-reasonable price too. Bless 'em. It REALLY needed to be cleaned. So many things don't get cleaned the way I'd like since it hurts my back so much to do them.
Anyway after many days of hell for all of us Denise died on the 25th. We had made good friends with several hospice workers. They were life savers for Mac and me.

Did I mention that on Jan 2nd Denise's white Schnauzer had SEVEN puppies? Denise did get to cuddle them some. She really wanted that. I'm not half bad as a dog midwife. Most of the puppies are being sold or given to hospice personnel. Sweet little things! But puppy beds stink and have to be changed a lot...

We also lost two other more distant family members during this time. I guess it is that "always 3" thing.

Whatever, all of this and some realizations later I came to understand that I need to be "home". My offspring are quite capable of living their lives and prefer to live them in Texas. Yes, Chrissy and Jesse and little Jasper are most likely moving back to Texas where there are jobs and his family. I am happy for them. And its happening soon. Then I'll really be alone here. Phyllis, Steve and Jeremy's lives are all getting busier and more complicated. Other friends are sweet but they aren't my family. I need less land to care for and to be closer to markets for my work and family for my soul. So, much as I do not want to be ten feet from neighbors that's where I'm going.

My house is for sale and there are many available in my price range in the Mid-Del area. Nancy found me a property in Newcastle but when I think of all the mess of finding, moving and setting up a trailer I am overwhelmed. I'll probably just find a house I just have to move into. That's plenty of work there!

And the yard sales I'll have to have! Wow! I've got metal work tables, cabinets and other 'stuff' that I won't have a place for or even need. I'm sorting out my supplies to reduce the number of things I do. Some of it was bought on impulse "I'd love to do ..." stuff that I really WON'T ever DO. I'm fining it down to what I love to do and will actually work on and with. There are some borderline items that will probably stay until I finish finding out who I am as an artist.

So, that's where I am now. Probably won't get place sold and get moved until Spring sometime. This snow and cold has me in more pain and without energy to accomplish much.

My heart is healing. Life without JD is different but not so bad as I feared. I treasure the memories and I like the person he helped me become. I am still becoming.
Know anyone who wants a sweet little inexpensive piece of property near Lake Eufaula?