16 months and counting

Less than 18 months ago I was a very happily married woman with a husband I respected and admired as well as loved with all my heart. I was looking forward to at least another 20 years. Whatever disagreements and difficulties we had were unimportant compared to what we shared.
Less than a year ago I was broken, thinking I was doing ok but suffering so deeply from his loss that I didn't even understand I was making some poor decisions.
Now at 16 months those days begin to seem in some ways like a book I read and really got involved in.
Things that bothered me so badly are now commonplace. I no longer like living where we lived. I am making plans and creating a new life just for me. And those plans at least peripherally have a different man in them.
As I was cooking myself a meal just now I realized it no longer matters that JD thought I didn't use spices enough but didn't like it when I put thyme in the spinach.
It no longer matters that I liked some things cooked one way and he preferred a different way. It no longer matters that he liked his steaks blood rare, that he loved fish and all kinds of sea food, that he wanted the bed positioned north/south, that he didn't like going to karaoke with me, that he liked outdoors stuff more than I and so on. Those things have no effect any more because I have no reason to pay attention to them.
If you've been here, you'll understand. If you haven't it will be more real to you when you arrive.
I only know that I now have to potential to be really, really happy again and that I'm not unhappy now.
I would never have chosen this option but it was forced on me. I treasure my memories and am sad for my friends who never knew him. Their loss is greater than mine.