Changes, changes, changes

As widows and widowers the changes in our lives sometimes seem infinite. We shop differently for groceries ( I remember breaking down in the Wal Mart because I hadn't shopped for "one" since I was 19 years old!).


The queen bed was just too big for me. Should I buy a twin bed set or a single bed or even a bunk bed? I did a lot of searching and found beautiful things that could easily work for my needs at one of the many CSN sites: Bedroomfurniture.com. CSN has a network of something like 200 stores with more products than Wal Mart! And I can shop from home. (The marked link above will show you what I mean). So many choices and many within my budget. But how to decide? I depended on JD a lot for making decisions.


How will I rearrange the furniture with my back as it is? How do I manage the money so I can pay for this? What do I do with the Queen bed? There is no one, really, to help you decide.

For many of us there is also the problem of losing income with the lost spouse. Even if you haven't lost income you've lost some one who did a certain portion of the things that needed done.


In most marriages there is a sharing of responsibilities and each partner has their special skills. I couldn't repair a car or a washing machine, test an electrical outlet or even use the riding mower.

Had JD been the one left behind I'm sure the computer would have been in the shop many times by now. We just each did what we did best!

I'm always looking for ways to increase my income. That is not specific to widows and widowers these days for sure.

Right now I'm testing for a job working on-line. Its a legitimate job and, wonder of wonders, the practical exam is so much fun for me that I've had to MAKE myself take the three days they allow for it! I don't want to quit.


I've changed my diet (not a lose weight diet although I am slowly losing the excess) but a life style change. JD wanted this for me with all his heart. He also wanted me to quit smoking so I'm on the plan to prepare to quit as advised by the OK smoking hot line group. My gum will arrive in about two weeks but the start date of non-smoker is Oct 10. Until then I'll be on a reduction and control program pretty much of my own devising. My friends are celebrating! And so is my family.


So even if some of the changes are good changes they do add to the difference in life. The loneliness that cannot be avoided or denied, the confusions on what to do with this or that or how to get the other thing done or does it even need to be done, all are part of what we are dealing with on a day to day basis.


Yes, we get used to a lot of it. But it costs us in pain and often in money as well.
I know I've made some bad decisions. The only thing worse is making no decisions at all.
JD taught me a lot but he couldn't teach me everything he knew. And one reason for that is me. I didn't want to do the things he did. I wanted to and did, things that I felt were appropriate for me. And that worked for us for over a quarter of a century.


I guess what I've tried to say with all these words it that change happens. It would happen whether we were grieving or not grieving. It would just have been different change. And perhaps not so difficult to deal with.