Another level reached

I am reminded again how identically different our experiences are. I know that is a strange choice of words but what I mean is this:
Even when we do not change our jobs or our residences we still CHANGE them. Slowly or quickly the entire framework of our lives becomes something other than what it was.
Projects that need done here are now my responsibility. I find help, do it myself or decide it doesn't need to be done now after all (often that is the only choice for certain types of projects!). Our lives are in flux. One direction works for a while but then we find we really need and want to travel in a different direction, even if only slightly.
Who we are does not change. How we express it does. Our definition of self changes and I think will continue to change for some time. We become stronger and more able or we fold. Maybe we do both.
Fro me, in this eighth going on ninth month, I am beginning to let go. I know it seemed I had done that but I find I had not.
JD laughed a lot. He found humor everywhere. He was so strong in his opinions and beliefs, even when he was provably wrong he could hold his position. I can now laugh at that. He opened my eyes to new things all the time. I became more because I was with him and he became more because he was with me. With this as a background I hope to continue to grow. There is some pain that he is not growing with me, that I am leaving what was behind for what is and will be. But that is how one keeps on living.
I'm slowly cleaning up my disordered house and my disordered mind is cleaning up with it. Looking around me it is difficult to realize that I love order. I simply love creativity more.
In this clean up I'm sorting out things I just had to have for projects I can truly say I will never do. These supplies go to the store or yard sale stock!!!
I actually climbed a ladder yesterday to pull down all the disordered storage from the top of the built in closet. Its huge-about ten feet wide, a yard deep and about 24 inches high. The closet it is above is about seven feet high.
Now the blankets, quilts and other winter things I did without all last winter are sorted, bagged and organized on one side. I still have to have a ladder to get to them but I can tell what is where now.
Today I sort out the clothes. Some of his are still there, things I couldn't let go before. This week they go. Well, I may keep an item or two for love's sake but for the most part they go. And the things of mine that I do not wear are going too. I need the space for the important things.
I'm putting some shelving in the closet since I do not need all that space just for my things. The boxes and boxes of rocks, jewelry supplies that need organized and such are going on those shelves. I will find the floor again! And table tops!!!
Eventually I will have sorted all the drawers and boxes of papers and the books and things will reach a semi-stable condition of organization.
I am keeping the clothes that will fit me when I'm up to 30 lbs down. I'm reorganizing that too. I am now shopping for the way my body needs to eat to be healthier. From past experience I know this will remove some of the excess body weight I've accumulated. I'm ready to feel good again and stop punishing myself for being alive when he is gone. At some level I knew I was doing that but now I'm facing it.
If this information helps even one of you it was well worth posting.
Phase "whatever" is here. I am still becoming.