Spring

Today, forgive me those of you who choose other ways to honor the day, I am cleaning and organizing. For me this is the way to celebrate the newness of Spring and the joy of rebirth.
I am making my life better. I am continuing to create the life that is Casey, my re-birth after the life that was Casey and JD. In his honor and in my own I go forward with joy and a great deal of sadness. The dichotomy is within all of us. We will always carry that sadness and emptiness our darlings left us. But we have within us an unlimited capacity for joy as well. Flowers are blooming, grass is greening, birds are singing and Casey is growing too.
A friend told me yesterday that she has watched me grow these past five plus months, avoiding most of the pitfalls of widowhood and not allowing myself to slip into depression. Well, not completely anyway.
There are still things to overcome. I cannot yet give up smoking (I was 95% quit on the DAY), I am not eating as well as I should and I'm not taking all the nutrients I need. But these things will also improve as I continue to gain strength.
This past week I received so much validation of who I am, what I have to contribute here, at the Arts council, at the flea market and to several of my friends that I've come to realize my life has much value. I am so honored and humbled by the input I've been receiving that I almost don't know how to respond. I only hope I can be worthy of all of you.
Today I take another step on the road we're all traveling.
I wish you strength and courage. I wish you love and whatever degree of happiness you can find with more and more in your future. I want all of you to also recognize your own value. Know that YOU are important. You may not yet have found your own path. I am confident that you will.
And I thank you for being there for me on my backsliding days when it all seems to be too much. This too shall pass.
May your memories be sweet and the pain only a shadow.